Archive for October, 2009

Parenting Techniques

Parenting techniques may range from permissive and tolerant to authoritarian, severe and pushy. I think they must be somewhere at the middle and let’s call them assertive techniques. Be aware that parents and children are often stuck in an unhelpful and vicious cycle of chaotic and angry based actions and reactions, when it comes to solve a conflict. So be attentive how you manage your behavior in the relationship with your child! Also keep in mind that better parenting techniques predict better psychosocial skills and less psychological problems in child. Improving your parenting methods is likely to improve your child’s abilities to cope with social and emotional problems and conflicts.

Empathize. When your child misbehaves, don’t evaluate his behavior from within your skin, but put yourself in his position if you want to understand what have caused his behavior. Only from this perspective you will be able to offer him assistance and emotional support. Be attentive with your child; watch him deliberately so that he feels your attentiveness. Most important, say him often “I love you”, don’t rely only on the fact that you love him, he need to hear you saying it, this will make him feel accepted, even if you showed him that you don’t accept his misbehavior.

Discipline gently. Some say that parenting methods are linked to punishing due to the image of a punishing God in religious imagery. I think that was in the Old Testament, but in the New Testament the central rule is Love. So all of your actions and reactions toward your child must rise from Love and end in Love. Comment on your child negative behavior, but avoid hard punishment. Discipline doesn’t mean punish, but explanation and teaching. Show him consequences of his misbehavior, consequences that will affect him and others. Combine the discipline with the reward of appropriate behavior. When your child is irritable and misbehave, don’t take his behavior personally, but take it as a sign or symptom that something wrong is going on. Don’t escalate the problem by yelling, just step back, relax and try to figure out what is going on in your child inner and outer world. Remain calm and don’t engage in negative responses. There are four common causes of a child misbehavior: a) your child want your or others attention (so make sure he get what he want), b) they want to gain power over you (avoid confrontation and discuss things when situation is calmer or distract your child attention to something else), c) your child may seek revenge for what he interpreted as an injustice (his misbehavior come from hurt so don’t respond with anger, but with a caring attitude), d) he misbehave because he want to avoid a possible failure (don’t ask your child to perform something in others presence or something that he may see as being over his possibilities). (more…)