Remarriage isn’t a solution

A happy marriage gives its partners huge benefits in terms of wealth, psychological and physical health and longevity. An unhappy marriage gives its partners the reverse and have a high probability to end in separation or divorce.

Today, more and more marriages finish in separation and divorce. After divorce many think that if they want to rebuild their life again they have to remarry. But with a 50 percent divorce rate of first marriages and second marriages having a 60 percent divorce rate, it’s obvious that remarry isn’t a solution. Then this means that we must not remarry?! Not, it doesn’t. But you have to take into account some changes you must make about yourself.

The researchers believe that studying the extremes may help and teach us how to manage our marriages. They talk about “masters” and “disasters” of marriage. The “masters” of marriage are those people who know how to relate to their partner so that their marriage is satisfactory. The “disasters” of marriage are those who don’t have enough interpersonal skills to manage in a satisfactory way their marriage.

But why to study extremes when it’s well-known that the middle way is the golden way?! Because the “average marriage” is a mixture of extremes, being irrelevant and unproductive of marriage behaviors patterns. Studying the extremes, “masters” and “disasters” of marriage, we can find and establish patterns of building a happy marriage – “how to …” (from “masters”) and “how not to …” (from “disasters”).

Remarry isn’t a solution to rebuild your life if you didn’t learn how to be a “master” of marriage. Otherwise, remarriage is only a new occasion to do the old mistakes and a path to another divorce. It’s wrong to think that simple finding of a perfect fit partner is sufficient, because, in the majority of cases, the problem isn’t our partner but our modality of relating.

The solution is to learn, before and while you are married, how to become a “master” of marriage, how to relate to your partner.